Script: SAD HENRY | EP. 2: BB Gun

• [[NOTE: The second episode I wrote, where I introduce the character of "Brian" and a story a bit more focused around the character of Henry and his ails in friendship rather than a simple screwball story as I'd intended the first episode to be.]]

/SAD HENRY\

Episode 2: BB Gun

1983. April. Daytime.

Henry calls Brian.

Split-screen of Henry and Brian on the other line.

Henry: Brian, I just got the coolest thing!

Brian: A goatee?

Henry: No, still not yet. But this is way better!

Brian: What is it?

Henry: My dad let me have his BB Gun! Get a ride over here, we have to shoot stuff!

Brian: Sounds like a foolproof plan, I’ll be over in five seconds!

Henry: Okay, I’m so excited! Bye!

Henry hangs up. Immediately after, there’s a knock at the door.

Henry gets up and opens it. Brian steps in.

Henry: Let’s go out back now, I’ve got it all set up!

EXT. Henry’s backyard. Henry’s and Brian sit next to each other on the ground.

Brian: So we started acting like deep sea creatures. You should have seen my costume.

Henry: Sorry I missed it. Brad went off to college and I had to move all his stuff.

Brian: Yeah, the man at the counter went crazy and threw us out the door. Wait, what were we going to do?

There’s a pause. Henry takes out the gun.

Henry: Let’s shoot stuff.

Henry: What should we shoot at?

Brian: Uh…How about those soda cans?

Henry: Perfect!

Henry fires a few shots at the cans and hits them. The two cheer and high-five.

Brian: How about that street sign over there?

A street sign rests against a tree in Henry’s backyard. Henry fires a shot at it, and it hits the sign. The two once again cheer and high-five.

Brian: How about the sky?

Henry: Uh…okay!

Henry fires a shot into the sky. Nothing happens. The two pause, looking up for something to happen, and then cheer.

Brian: This is really cool. Can I try a few shots? I swear, I’ll give it back.

Henry: Sure man, take it away. Don’t shoot me! (Laughs)

Henry hands the gun to Brian.

Brian suddenly turns the gun on Henry, pointing it at his head.

Brian: Alright, hands up! No funny business, mister!

Henry: What the fuck?

Brian: I heard what you did to my girlfriend. You get your kicks on other people’s chicks, huh? I heard you had sex with her, twisted her arms around, nearly broke her joints. You get thrills outta abusing women, punk? HUH?

Brian kicks Henry in the groin, and Henry falls to the ground in pain. Brian points the gun at Henry’s head.

Henry: I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend! Who is she?

Brian: Justine Gregory! The hot babe with the big hair!

Henry: Oh, she’s pretty. Her hair is really big. How long you guys been going out?

Brian: Since Monday! Why, you thinking about sweeping her off her feet and having sick sadistic sex with her when I’m not looking?

Henry: No! Of course not, I was just wondering.

Brian: So you DID touch her? You son of a - !

Brian kicks Henry on the ground three times.

Henry: Brian, I swear I have never even exchanged two words with her.

Brian: But you probably exchanged one word to her, right? And that word was probably “Have sex with me, Justine, or I’ll beat you!”

Henry: That’s way more than one word, man. And I would never do that to anyone. I swear, I never touched her. I’ve never touched anyone! Look at my hands! No touch!

Brian: You swear on your life? ‘Cause if I find out you touched my girl…

Henry: Yes! I swear I didn’t! Just please don’t shoot me!

Brian pulls the gun away from Henry and relaxes a bit.

Brian: Okay, must have been Henry Stevens. (Pauses for a breath) I gotta go kill a baby, see you around.

Brian begins to walk away.

Henry: (To himself) That doesn’t seem right…

Henry replays the line back in his head. The footage is foggy like a dream.

Henry stands up and points an accusing finger.

Henry: Hey, you can’t kill a baby!

Brian turns around.

Brian: Did I say kill a baby? I meant to say kiss some gravy. I’ve got to go kiss some gravy. See you later.

Henry: Okay, see you later. (Waves)

As Brian walks away, the sound of him saying “kiss some gravy” loops in Henry’s head. Suddenly, the phrase changes to “kill a baby”, and Henry snaps back to reality, shocked.

Henry: Sneaky bastard…He DID say “kill a baby”. Too bad I’m so passive, or else I’d do something about it. Oh well.

Henry walks back inside the house, leaving the BB Gun on the ground.

CUT TO: Close-up of the newspaper headlines, reading “Breaking News! Local Baby Murdered!”

The newspaper is blocking the camera’s view as Henry holds it to his face, and he drops it out of frame and onto his lap. He looks ashamed.

Henry: I could have prevented that. But I’m just too passive…

Henry drops his head in his hands, and the screen fades to the credits.

The End.

Script: SAD HENRY | EP. 1: Milk Run

[[The original scripted episode of SAD HENRY, a surrealist webseries I wrote and began in 2008 at the age of 16. Two episodes were filmed - this exists on my Youtube as a standalone webisode. The other one wasn't indicative of what I wanted the series to be. Like many of my other teenage video creations, this series became an obsession. Fueled with inspiration from the works of The Mighty Boosh, Andy Milonakis Show, and Tim & Eric - I aimed to create my ultimate "1980's Alternative" television series...originally entitled DOMOCILE until I decided to center it more around the "unremarkable" and perpetually upset Henry character. I shall share all of the scripts I ended up writing for the entirety of the first series and what remains of the second... ENJOY!]]

/SAD HENRY\

Episode 2: Milk Run

“Watching” by The Thompson Twins plays.

Henry, Brad, and Stacy are in the kitchen eating breakfast.

Henry: Christ, Brad. What a night last night.

Brad: Oh, I know! I’ve never ran that fast in my life!

Henry: And when they finally caught up, you nearly shit yourself!

Brad: Yeah right, that was you, dude. But honestly, I thought we were going to die.

Henry: That’s the last time I’m ever babysitting. Demon children is what they were.

Brad: Fucking zombie babies.

Henry begins to pour some milk on his cereal, but nothing comes out.

Henry: Where’s the milk?

Stacy: I dunno, I guess we don’t have any. Why don’t you go down to the store and get some?

Brad: I could go to the one down the street.

Henry: No, I think I’ll go to the one across the street in the strip mall. You stay here.

Brad: No, that’s okay. I’d prefer to go to the one down the street. It has better prices, and it’s more conveniently placed, so I think it’s probably better for all of us.

Henry: I insist. Stay here. I’ll go.

Brad: No, I said I’d go, now let me go!

Henry: Nah, it’s better if I go. Trust me.

CAMERA zooms up on Henry’s mouth as he says, “Trust me”.

ANGLE: Close-up on Brad’s reaction. He challenges Henry with his eyes.

The two exchange awkward glances, and then both simultaneously jump to their feet and run out the door. Music plays as they run down the street.

Henry: I insist on going myself! I’m the one who wanted it in the first place! You don’t even know the right kind!

Brad: The store I’m thinking of has better prices!

The two reach a break in the road, and Brad heads towards the store at the end of the street, while Henry veers off towards the one across the street, which is far away.

Henry passes a mailbox, and sees the flag is up. He stops to check the mail inside.

Brad approaches the store’s parking lot (he’s made a long distance in a short amount of time)

Henry is looking through the mail. Each letter dons a message written in marker, such as “Henry, stay out of our mail”, “This letter is not for you”, and “What are you doing reading these when you should be getting milk?”

The mailbox door is open, blocking the frame. Henry puts the mail back inside, and when he closes the door, we see a man in a gorilla suit standing on the other side of the mailbox. It roars and chases Henry out of the yard and down the street, hitting Henry with its fists.

Henry and the gorilla suit man reach the end of the road, and the gorilla stops and shakes a fist at the fleeing Henry. He turns around and sees a bag of cocaine on the ground, picks it up, sniffs the bag, and rushes off-screen sketchily.

MEANWHILE, Brad has reached the store and is purchasing the milk. The guy at the counter hands him his change, and he leaves with the milk in hand.

Henry, however, still hasn’t reached his store, and has instead ran out of breath and fallen on the side of the road. Brad walks by, milk in hand, and throws his change at Henry. Henry gets up and races Brad back to the house.

Henry: You always have to be the better man!

Brad: I am the better man!

Henry: Better at losing!

Brad: At least I got the milk!

The two enter the house.

CUT TO: The two sitting at the kitchen table, eating cereal.

Instrumental music plays in the background.

Brad: How you liking this milk? The milk that I got? Is it good? Can you taste the defeat?

Henry: All I taste is shit. You got the shittiest milk ever. Probably not even the right brand. Because you got it from the bad store.

Brad: It’s DEAN’S.

Henry: Oh. (Pauses) That is the right kind. Hey, good job!

BOTH: Yay! We did it!!!

CUT TO: The two dancing to “Life Is Busy” by Tone Set.

Out the window, the guy in the gorilla suit looks on. The camera zooms up on its face, covered in cocaine powder.

The End.